Cycles
by GRACE5
Summary: D/L angst


"Hey, what took you so long?" Flack asked as he looked up from his notepad at Lindsay who just entered the crime scene.

"Nothing, it took me 20 minutes." Lindsay defended setting her case down and kneeled next to the body and across from Danny.

"Yeah but you're usually here like that." Flack said as he snapped his finger. Danny just listened to the conversation, obviously curious as to where Lindsay was, but he knew if he asked she would shut down immediately.

"Fine, I had to go home and change. Alright?" Lindsay said waiting for Flack's next question, knowing they wouldn't get anything done until he got it out of him system, she also kept in mind that her ex-boyfriend was feet away from her and probably equally as curious.

"Change from what?" Flack asked as he watched Danny fiddle with a fingerprint he found, trying to distract himself, then he noticed Lindsay blushing. "You had a date!"

"Flack, leave me alone." Lindsay whined as she opened her kit, ready to move on from the couch.

"Do I know him?" he asked moving closer.

"I hope not." Lindsay laughed as she finally got the scenario from Flack.

"So what's his name?" Flack asked coming up behind her later that day. Everything was either in DNA, Ballistics, or Autopsy and they were at a stand still so Flack opted to annoy her about her date some more. Lindsay groaned and took a seat at the table in the break room, sipping on the coffee she helped herself to.

"Kieran." Lindsay said with a smile. "He's a firefighter."

"Oh yeah, I know him." Flack said excitedly both not realizing Danny had entered the room. Lindsay groaned and her face dropped at Flack's knowledge of her date. "You don't want me to know him?"

"It's not that, it's just, I want a life outside of work, if you know him then Stella knows him and probably everyone else." Lindsay admitted taking another sip of the steaming liquid. "I want to be able to introduce someone to you guys, and be like, I don't know, I didn't like how things ended with my last boyfriend when everyone knows him, and Kieran's great and everything but he's not it, he's not him." Lindsay said as she waited for Flack to respond. Danny closed his eyes in hurt and leaned back against the counter, it was so bad when they were together that she wanted to date a complete stranger?

"Maybe because you already found Mr. It." Flack said with a smile as he noticed Danny against the counter behind Lindsay so she couldn't see him. "Not everyone can be him."

"Yeah and I either left him back in Montana," Lindsay scoffed leaning back in her chair. "Or he's a lying cheating prick, so I'm gonna ride things out with Kieran and just search for the next best thing."

"You could always forgive him, and be happy like you used to." Flack said as he waited for her to look at him. "Maybe even happier."

"No, I refuse." Lindsay said stubbornly pushing the coffee away from her on the table.

"Why?" Flack asked taken back, she at least had to try. He took a quick look over her shoulder to look at Danny who was about to cry or destroy the room, he couldn't tell.

"Because nothing will change, he has a destructive personality." Lindsay said and when she saw Flack start to open his mouth she cut him off. "Don't say he doesn't, cause we both know it's true." Lindsay said pointing a finger at him. "Jeez Flack, his could still lose his job, over something stupid like giving his gun to Rikki."

"He didn't give it to her." Flack attempted to reason with her, knowing she knew he didn't but he also knew she had to get this out of her system, and with Danny here to hear it would make it even better when she turned around.

"And who told you that? Him? Just like he had to go to the bank and take his bike to the shop." Lindsay said folding her arms over her chest and waiting for Flack to try and defend. Danny had jumped on top of the counter quietly and had been sitting there waiting to hear what she had to say, because god knows she wouldn't talk to him.

"He lied, he's not a liar." Flack said and winced a little at the look she gave him and the laugh that came out of her mouth.

"Did you just hear yourself?" Lindsay asked with a smile. "That's like saying he cheated, he's not a cheater."

"Exactly, so you get what I was trying to say." Flack said as he took another quick look at Danny, who was shaking his head.

"Flack, I understand you're trying to help your friend, but I refuse to live this cycle." Lindsay said sitting up to touch his hand then removing it and leaning back.

"What cycle is that?"

"I have a problem like the murder trial in Montana or him cheating, we somehow end up together and are happy, then he has a problem and cheats. I won't do it." Lindsay said coldly glancing at the clock.

"You honestly believe he'll cheat on you again?" Flack asked softly, ignoring the pleading look in Danny's eyes.

"Yes," Lindsay admitted her voice a little shaky, she didn't know if that was actually what she believed, but she knew that was her deepest fear. "Do you know how long him and Rikki have been together?" she asked seriously hoping he had confided in Flack, but Flack frowned and shook his head in the negative.

"No, No I don't." Flack said softly looking up at Danny, who was obviously broken at his words because he knew he told Flack it was only 1 time and a stupid make-out session, but Lindsay followed his gaze and her eyes landed on the damaged man that was once Danny Messer.

"Lindsay." Danny started, jumping off the counter to stand in front of her as she tried to leave. "Please."

"Please what?" Lindsay asked as she tried to walk past him but he held her at her elbows in front him.

"It's not true, about that stupid cycle you were talking about, I sure as hell didn't give her my gun," Danny said as he took his hand off one of her arms and forced her to look at him. "and I was with her once, and we made out, that was it."

"And I bet she's the one that ended the make-out session from going any further." Lindsay said in a matter of fact tone.

"Mac did." Danny admitted as he saw Flack leave the room.

"Danny I can't be with you, okay? Because every time I see you I think of what could've been and it, it just kills me." Lindsay said dropping her gaze, she never intended to tell him this. "And you don't know what I'm talking about." She said as she moved back away from him and wiped the tears from her cheek.

"Tell me, tell me so we can get past this." Danny said daring to reach his hand up and wipe a tear she had missed.

"They called it a spontaneous abortion." Lindsay said above a whisper as she locked eyes with him to see if her registered what she had just told him.

"What?" he choked out, allowing the tears to well in his eyes.

"I didn't even know," she said rubbing her arms feeling ashamed. "I'm sorry Danny."

He didn't say anything but lean back against the wall and allow himself to fall down against it. He brought his knees up and rested his arms on his knees and his head in his arms. She followed him and kneeled in front of him on the floor, and stroked the side of his hair, knowing she had just totally destroyed him and everything he thought he knew.

"Danny look at me." She said softly as if she were whispering to a child and waited until his blue eyes met hers. She gave him a week smile when he finally looked up and she wiped a tear from his cheek. "Don't do this again, you were doing well, sometimes things just aren't meant to be."

"Yeah, but our baby." He stopped himself as he choked up. "That's meant to be, we're meant to be."

"Maybe someday Danny, but not right now." She said as she ran her finger down his jaw line. He nodded and just continued to gaze. "and if you want it to be, you can't go back into that place Dan, it's not your fault, it's not my fault, it's not anyone's fault."

"If I hadn't stressed you out." He started but she stopped him by laying a finger across his lips.

"Don't," she said as she stood and leaned her hand down waiting for him to take, he did and gave her a weak smile as he stood in front of her, he hesitated at first but he placed a hand gently over his abdomen where their child once slept. He closed his eyes trying to fight back the tears as he dropped his hand. "Danny."

"Montana." He said with a slight smile and if possible took another step closer to her. "That cycle is total bullshit, I won't ever cheat or run again. I swear. I need you. I need us."

"Danny, yeah that cycle was shit, but it's what I'm afraid of, you cheating again terrifies me, on so many different levels." She admitted. "Time, I know it's a lot to ask, again, but that's all I need, I need time to trust you again."

"No problem, I'll be here." He said and she nodded before turning to walk away, but he grabbed her hand and brought her back to him. "I love you, and I love our baby, even if it doesn't exist."

"It does, in your heart." She said and placed a hand over his heart and smiled up at him before giving him a light kiss on the cheek.


End file.
